intermeddler

August is for Moving

2005-08-15T18:23:00.000-04:00

If statcounter is to be believed, there are some patient folks who continue to visit us here at Intermeddler. We've done little to reward that patience over the past couple of months, but that's only because we've been saving out energy for our latest collaborative effort. If you all don't mind moving your bookmarks just this once, we'll try not to not make you do it again.

Please visit now: Oh, Bitter Dicta.

Thank you.

Poetry in Motion

2005-07-27T20:00:00.000-04:00

The other day while commuting I looked left and saw this:

Bay
Hog
Duct
Blitz
Script
Missing
Forever
External

Was it part of a project to use the subway-ad-zone to promote reflection and thought?
No, it was on a scratch ticket called "Cashword" the woman next to me was playing.

This is Summer

2005-07-21T22:53:00.000-04:00

There really is just nothing to talk about in the summer. I've noticed that people keep on coming back, and that's great. I wish we had something to offer you.

Ummm, let's see... I saw L'il Kim get a one year sentence for perjury.

That new lawyer reality show will probably give rise to a lot of op-ed pieces.

Go OCI?

Sorry.

moot agony

2005-06-23T23:17:00.000-04:00

So the moot court team selection process goes like this: you e-mail responses to questions like whether you prefer tax or the first amendment and whether you yearn to lead or happily follow. Then the upperclass moot courters have what they ambitiously call a party. During the so-called "party" they call each future moot courter into a room and ask a few other questions, like whether there is anyone you hate so much you're willing to admit it to strangers, and why it is you want the team you want.

As far as I know it's done this way every year. This is notable because it would seem like the kinks in this whole procedure would have been worked out by now. When the process was described to me it sounded vaguely fun. I pictured lawns and keg cups, maybe even bare feet. I did not picture a completely empty luxury apartment that someone's boyfriend's parents had been trying to sell for millions about 5 minutes before we all arrived. Parties, especially parties where people end up waiting around for 5 hours, should have furniture. Parties should also have music. Luckily the apartment was spacious enough to have windowsills you can sit on. But their capacity was limited, and by the end it felt like an airport during a blizzard. People piled up against each other on the hardwood floors, periodically marching over to the helpless listkeeper to demand she get them out of there.

If I were forced to narrow down the problems to just one, it would be the particularly poor process for ordering who got called into the magic room. At first, there was a list for people that had to leave early. Sometime when I was refilling my wine or foraging for the baby carrots that would become my dinner, I guess they started having the remainder of the people sign that list also. That itself was a little lame, but acceptable. Things really got ugly when phase 3 began: whoever whined the most (or the most convincingly) got bumped up. This had now verged into unacceptable territory.

I really thought people were going to start throwing things, or screaming, or even quitting moot court. Pretty soon no one was talking about anything but how much the situation sucked, and I vacillated between not being able to believe people cared all that much and agreeing with everything they said because it did really, truly suck.

Now that it's all over, I can say one thing: I love summer.

Kelo

2005-06-23T20:38:00.000-04:00

There's not anyone in the world who's not blogging about this opinion right now. Even sites that might normally dedicate themselves to delightful pornography are instead chattering about the Court's decicion, so I'll be brief myself:

You know the majority is way off base when Justice Thomas has to take up the good fight on behalf of the powerless. In short? The Court simply screwed up.

[sic]

2005-06-19T11:59:00.000-04:00

I'm learning that of all the appellate tricks in the attorney attache-bag, the favorite seems to be dropping the [sic] bomb. The idea is to scour the opposing counsel's brief, find every typo you possibly can (and you'd be amazed at how many seriously bad typos you'll find in briefs, it makes this blog look like it's edited by the folks at The New York Review of Books) and then find ways to incorporate those typos into your filings in opposition.

For example, if you find a line that says "has exhausted hi claims" in a habeas petition, then you write in response "petitioner claims that he has exhausted hi claims" [sic]. Those three letters really say a lot, because as everyone knows "sic" is latin for "opposing counsel is an illiterate jackass." At least, that's the impression I feel the quoter is trying to convey when I read this stuff. I don't have any empirical evidence on this yet, but I have a feeling that putting a typo in a sentence triples that sentence's chances of being quoted. That's just fcuked up.

Now we're working

2005-06-16T21:42:00.000-04:00

It’s been a month since the last final, and now that Menlove and grades are (almost all*) out, there’s a slight sense of closure on the first year. Of course, there’s still the writing competition results. And fall on-campus interviewing (which is really not in the fall at all). And picking 2L classes. But at this moment, school is about as far away as possible, even though it’s only a train stop away from where ½ of BLS (including myself) is working.

Work is interesting in theory. In reality, lawyering seems absurdly time-consuming. I don’t want to say boring. I can’t say boring, since it’s what’s lined up for at least the next few years. So far, it’s not unlike school. Get an assignment, cut and paste together a bunch of quotes from cases, and add some connectives. Somehow, this takes a long time, though it’s probably because I don’t know anything about the field I’m working in. The only Economics I’ve been exposed to is from an intro class 9 years ago (1^st year of college was really that long ago…) and the skeletal theory taught by our Torts professor. Both are completely useless at the moment, so I’m trying to fill in the vast blanks in those times I should be sipping martinis at gimmicky bars. Luckily I hate both of those and ♥ the Sherman Act.

My only real complaint is that there are two other interns sitting within a foot radius of me who eat loudly for most of the day. It sounds crazy, but it’s really difficult to concentrate when someone is cracking open pistachios in your ear. Other than that, it’s a good group. We’ve compared school stories, and it turns out much is the same, but, surprise, there are definite perks to going to upper rank schools. Who can deny it? We don’t have Supreme Court justices visiting us, or firms kissing our asses. On the other hand, we are all eagerly awaiting the Geraldo’s about to open in the new dorm.

*why do you continue to torture us, Property Professor?

It Is So Hot

2005-06-09T22:12:00.000-04:00

It seems like all kinds of great material should be coming out of summer work, but I don't really know what kind of things you're allowed to say. I do know that the assignments don't feel that much more real than anything we did in legal writing. I have to constantly remind myself that there are real parties with real interests who'd prefer I don't take the write-whatever's-easiest approach that saw me through my first year.

In a moment of regression a couple of days ago, I headed up to the city bar association to watch a panel entitled "The Role of the Federal Courts in the War on Terrorism." It was co-sponsored by the federalist society, so I knew there'd be some serious legal action going down. It always amazes me to watch a forty-two year old lawyer (who has never worked outside the beltway in his life) presume to explain to a retired rear admiral and life-time jag officer how military law works. Before you can recover from the shock, he's gone on to explain to a 2d Circuit Appellate Court Judge what the Padilla case was really all about; ignoring the fact that this particular judge had actually sat on the case in the intermediate court. What they lack in consistency they make up for with what I heard politely referred to as "testicular fortitude" today.

Of course, these are people who cite approvingly to Quirin and Kortematsu because "hey! they haven't been overruled yet! (knock on wood)." Two completely different worlds: I live in the world not steeped in paranoid fantasy. It's warm and humid lately, but otherwise better in every way.

That's That

2005-05-23T23:52:00.000-04:00

I've never been so happy to have turned my back on my parent's religion as I was today. As I stumbled to school this morning with a stack of completed competition essays, I realized that I was done. Those poor Sunday sabbath observers though; they're still looking at two more days of this business (down to only 35 hours or so hours at this point, it goes fast).

That gives me an extra day to think about fall OCI. I guess they're already passing out packets listing the firms that'll be recruiting us in a few months.* I can't even think about this stuff yet. I haven't even thought about the summer job I actually have to start next week. I know I need to buy some ties or something. When I do get around to worrying about next fall, this government recruiter puts things into perspective. In the meantime, total freedom for seven days. There's something spiritual in that I think even my parents could understand.

*To the firm that is only taking law review and top 5%, fuck you too.

Intermission

2005-05-19T23:05:00.000-04:00

I remember the first time I watched the Terminator how terrified I was at the idea that there was something out there that just wouldn't die. You shoot it, it keeps on coming. You crash a tanker filled with diesel fuel into it, it strolls out of the wreckage and flames. You crush it on some assembly line, its little red eyes flash back on. You somehow manage to spank your way though finals, and now it wants you to write-on to law review. At least that's what I thought as I sat crammed into room 401 with everyone else who wants to play writing-competition roulette this weekend.

The week away has been kind of nice. I went to the gym for the first time in a few weeks; and felt as out of place as an old hooker on her first day at her new job as an insurance claims adjustor. I am very, very weak. I looked at myself in the mirror and could see in my pale, yellowish skin and in the dried and caked soy sauce under my fingernails all the signs of someone who's lived in a dank apartment on take-out financed by selling my books back. Needless to say, I am an ugly sight and I'll spare you more details.

Anyway, there's something horror-movieish about the way school just won't die, and as I look over my summer calendar, I realize that between preparing a resume for fall's on-campus interviews and stopping by financial aid for work-study checks, there's just enough going on to keep up the suspense. But I guess that makes sense; if this is a ninety minute movie, we're only thirty minutes in. There's no way you'd kill off your villain in the first thirty minutes --we'd all want our ticket money back.

It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

It's over

2005-05-14T19:26:00.000-04:00

So that’s it. We’re 2Ls now.

Last night we celebrated student style – lots of booze, and quickly. I have never been around so many jubilant people in my life. It was too bad I didn’t get to enjoy it more, since by midnight, I was a disaster. Thanks to those who accompanied me after I darted out of the bar with my hands over my mouth. Sorry Mr. Cab Driver, since yes, that was nasty, but no way in hell were you getting the 40 bucks you demanded to clean it up, especially since by then I had already lost my wallet. And thank you, selfless one, for leaving early with me and staying close by lest I began to choke on my own vomit while sleeping in your tub.

What happened? Not eating a proper dinner, random kind people handing me drinks (actually, I hope they handed them to me and I didn’t just grab them), and relief, I suppose, all converged to cut short the evening. I left before any juicy stuff happened. Any bizarre hookups? Brawls? Love confessions?

And then there were the questions about this. I was surprised that people I know had been reading it, but that no one said anything until last night. Except the guy who asked me during that freaky anticipatory silence 15 seconds before the property exam was about to begin (sorry I lied, but I was caught off guard), and Saucy Intruder, our chattiest visitor.

Alright, time to remember how to have a life again.

Property professor, sadist

2005-05-11T11:47:00.000-04:00

The overwhelming response to the exam was: what the hell was that?? The questions on future estates were far more complicated than on the practice exams, (so many trusts!), and one of the essays involved intellectual property, which was also not on any of the past exams, so I didn’t study it. I just figured it was a diversion in the class based on our professor’s specialty. One of the issues was whether a plastic surgeon had rights over her special face surgery technique that transformed her hideous husband into an international supermodel. Kind of fun in hindsight, though completely unanswerable.

The policy after each exam was not to talk about it, but this time it was inevitable, since the test was just too ridiculous. Was the Rule Against Perpetuities applicable anywhere? Who would wait 21 years to bury their mother? Can you adversely possess someone’s face? There was a word limit?? I was too relieved to be worried at first, especially after a couple of beers. But then I got home and tossed out everything property related so I could pretend the whole thing never happened.

The worst is almost over

2005-05-09T21:22:00.000-04:00

I should have been studying all day, but after being cooped up for two days, it was impossible. I went to school for the first time since the civpro exam, and saw exactly what I wanted to avoid. People wigging out. It’s difficult enough to sort property out in my brain, and then when I hear other people’s questions, I start wondering whether I have any idea about anything. I left the bulding as soon as possible, but not before printing out 4000 pages of supplementary materials to take as comfort to the exam tomorrow.

Now it’s dark outside. I’m beginning to feel crazy about this test. My outline is repetitive and probably missing a whole lot. Fuck. Thinking about last semester, I know I’ll probably remember very little of what happens over these two weeks, except that there were some obnoxious rules that don’t matter anymore. It's like that hormone that women in labor emit so that they forget about the pain and are willing to go through it all again later.

Typo of the day

2005-05-08T17:22:00.000-04:00

"when you improve someone’s property w/ your labor, it can become hard"

this managed to survive all the way from my property notes on labor theory to my outline, where I just discovered it

The great sell-back

2005-05-06T14:47:00.000-04:00

Nothing feels better after an exam than heading to the bookstore and exchanging a weighty casebook for a wad of cash. The gradual clearing of my bookshelf as the end of exams gets closer is sooooo satisfying, both physically and symbolically. Plus, the sell-back comes just as most of us are realizing the loans have run dry and searching our floorboards for quarters, or personal assets that might be liquefied (can you still sell CD's? what about plasma?).

I started thinking today about what this might say about the kind of educational process we're engaging in here. I remember selling books back in college, but much more selectively. A few still linger on my shelf, mostly for sentimental reasons, and there are a few I wish I hadn't sold back (countless times since moving to New York City I've wished I could look up buildings in my modern architecture textbook). Are we heartless law school drones who care about what we're learning only until the moment the exam is over? Well, yes and no - law school does require a level of acceptance that you will be judged for some things on dumb and arbitrary grounds, and that you will learn some things for the exam and not because of your burning personal passion for civil procedure.

But there's also something nice about what the book sell-back says. The casebooks are just tools to help us understand concepts (evidenced by the fact that most people barely open them in the process of studying for an exam). The fact that the answer is never going to be inside the book (and the fact that everything changes so continually that no book can ever be current) is something I'm growing to like about this whole law thing. That and my wallet being $50 heavier...

Menlovian, fundraising wonder

2005-05-05T20:36:00.000-04:00

Things are getting crazy over at sections 8 & 9. All sorts of controversies are unfolding on Menlove right now, (potential smackdown! Unfair distribution of past exams!), but most impressive is the fact that he forwent the opportunity to exchange his identity for sex and instead raised $1500 for Africare. Congratulations, Menlove.

I Hate Civil Procedure

2005-05-05T12:56:00.000-04:00

5 out of 14 complete

2005-05-03T21:31:00.000-04:00

Whoa, civpro is not happening yet even though it’s coming up on Friday. I was so out of it when I got home after the Torts exam today, I passed out for a solid 3 hours despite a full-night’s sleep. What a wimp. Some bad asses went straight to the library after the test. What verve.

The speed-typing torts exam…. Some professors appreciate brevity, this guy wants you to flip your bowels inside out. Who knows how much I got onto the paper (or more relevantly, how much everyone else did)? He said something like, “80% of you will come in knowing the same, 10% more, 10% less. Some of you who know less will do better than some of you who know more.” So what is he testing exactly?

Why do I have such an aversion to civil procedure? It’s the only practical course this year outside of legal writing. You’d think it might be somewhat interesting to figure out how to strategize using the Rules, but I don’t have the will to take it that far. Our professor’s teaching style didn’t foster that kind of creative thinking. Rather, he dictated and told us the same three stories to illustrate his points, regardless of their relevance to the subject at hand. Poor guy, he just wanted 120 new friends to tell stories of his glory days to, but instead incurred the wrath of many since he taught a different brand of civil procedure than anyone else, including Civpro God Glannon, who saved my ass last semester.

Alright legalines. Let's get this over with.

Getting ready

2005-05-02T17:41:00.000-04:00

It’s the day before the Torts exam and I am so fucking sick of torts. Thinking of comparative negligence in every situation I find myself in (if the hairdresser stabs me in the throat with her scissors because I jerk my head to get hair out of my face, would I be contributorily negligent?), trying to figure out how to fit Kaldor-Hicks efficiency into a sentence naturally, fearing that everything is going to fall out my brain tomorrow morning….

I signed up for Barbri during a flash of panic a few weeks ago and have gone to a few review sessions since. Considering how much they charge for the course, and knowing that it was on video, I imagined a plush amphitheatre with an IMAX screen. Rather, you sit in a dingy classroom, usually without windows, and watch two televisions hanging from the ceiling. There’s not even a water fountain.

The sessions are helpful as an overview of the course, though the woman giving the property lecture was insufferable. She meant well by trying to make the concepts memorable, by, for example, singing “famous recording artist” (her words) Dido’s song Thank You to illustrate a landlord who has evaded his duties by not responding to the “rain coming in through her window,” or by referring to Destiny’s Child as the ultimate joint tenants, or Dr. Evil as the executory interest that wants to rain on your parade. Her impressions were cringeworthy. Our Property exam is open book, so memory is not an issue. The professor doesn’t want us to copy the elements of co-ownership from our notes. Rather, he wants us to become the incarnate spirits of co-ownership. Dr. Evil and Destiny's Child won't help us there.

11 more days left. Not bad. It helps not stepping foot in school until the actual exam.

Money put to good use

2005-05-02T00:09:00.000-04:00

It appears that Ms. Hilton's blond ambition knows no bounds and she is clearly intent on capitalizing on her fame; she commands anywhere from $150,000 to $200,000 to appear at a party for 20 minutes, she said. "If it's in Japan I get more."

Addendum

2005-04-28T14:02:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty cynical about all the gifts WestLaw has been passing me this past semester, including a clunky, brass post-it note holder that came in an enormous, padded envelope a few months back. I used to have nothing at all to put my post-it note pad in (let alone something brass) so things are looking pretty swank around the home office. I thought they were just trying to buy me off, but I'm not cynical anymore:

I received a $5.00 starbucks card in the mail yesterday courtesy of WestLaw. They've won me over. I think they respect me as a person; as an individual who likes coffee sometimes, but not that often; a person for whom $5.00 will last through finals. Thank you, WestLaw, I'm going to let my guard down now. We can finally be friends. Do you play Scrabble? Let me fix you a drink, we have a lot of catching up to do...

April is the Cruelest Month

2005-04-28T01:45:00.000-04:00

Classes for the first year of law school ended today, and it was, to say the least, anti-climatic. The closest any of us came to signaling that we didn't have to drag ourselves over to 250 Joralemon anymore (though I've heard people will continue to haunt the library in the weeks during finals) was the swell of applause that broke out at the end of Con Law. It was strange that of all the instructors we had this year, the one we clapped for was the one most likely to be embarassed by it. But like I've said before, our man Con Law has grown on us, and it was nice to let him know that we've appreciated him. Also, everybody felt guilty for not sending off our visiting Contracts professor in better style last semester, so maybe there was a little atonement there too.

I guess it's because for most people, the semester isn't really over until the last final is handed in (on Friday the 13th for the superstitious). But for me, law school has been a suprisingly social experience. On coming here, I'd made special plans not to get to know anybody, as I figured the nightly reading would give me more of a taste of legal culture than I could stomach. Thankfully for me, it turns out that it's a impossible way to live, and that the personalities involved in the law school experience are just as enduring as the work. So I'll hunker down in my dank little apartment and crunch together some outlines and look forward to the end-of-days party (Union Bar: Park & 17th), but for now, this is the way the semester ends, not with a bang but a whimper (more shameless cribbing from Eliot).

Hopefully, everyone else's attention spans have grown as short as mine, Judging by all the thousand-yard-stares I saw in the courtyard, we're in the same boat. Torts final on Tuesday.

Religious Inspiration

2005-04-21T23:45:00.000-04:00

Today I took a practice test for torts. I heard there were over eighty issues in the last exam, which is way more things than I know about the law. period. If I had to write every legal-leaning word or phrase I knew, I could maybe get to twenty, tops. Getting to eighty in the next two weeks is going to be a true effort. It's times like these that a man considers religion.

But not catholicism. Not with the new pope anyway. Not to disrespect anyone's religion or anything, but cardinals, you have elected one mean looking bastard as God's new representative on earth; a pontiff whose resemblance to a certain Emperor Palpatine has not gone unnoticed. It's especially offensive when you consider just how dashing the last pope really was. Sure, he was pretty conservative, but who didn't like the guy? pope mobile and all. It must be particularly disappointing for catholics in the developing world (where 70% of all catholics live) who haven't seen a church leader from a least-developed country since... well, since Jesus.

I'll keep shopping for religion, but in the meantime, I'd advise everyone to follow Menlove's advice and go rate your professors. Especially if you have good things to say about Mazzone. I like that guy more every day. Sure, he started out kind of nervous, and I don't know if he actually likes any of us (remember last semester when he told us not to worry about grades, because thanks to the curve, it's impossible to fail all of us?) but I've definitely warmed up to the guy in the past few months. I wish I could say that for everyone else who's teaching me this semester.

I didn't need to know that you studied for 10 hours straight last night

2005-04-19T23:13:00.000-04:00

Everyone's in a tizzy, what with the gorgeous weather, and, as menlove well put it, a “sense of creeping dread.” For him, it’s vague, but I see as a full-blast, intestine knotting, convulsing sweaty palm, nightmare-inducing dread. I’ve been having the craziest dreams recently. One involved my own hideous pregnancy (not that pregnancies are inherently hideous, but mine made me look like a troll), and another involved automatic weapons and lots of chasing. That last one may have something to do with the assault weapons ban talk coming up in conlaw on Thursday. Our professor let us know today that he worked on a case opposing a weapons ban for released felons. He also told us he worked on Vacco v. Quill, the assisted suicide case, on behalf of the doctors. Seems counter-intuitive, but not really. I guess he trusts people to make the right decisions.

These last few days have been surreal, with tons of people I’ve never seen before in the courtyard and the elevators smelling slightly of sweaty feet. The library is congested, people are getting bleary-eyed from a mixture of studying and stress, and the conversations with friends outside school are getting less and less frequent. We’re thinking about classes for next fall, clinics, the realization that there is more to law school than just this first year. We’ll get to make choices, become wage-earners again over the summer (maybe some for the first time?), reintegrate into the world a little bit. All we have to do is stay focused the next few weeks because you know there are people who, despite all of this other clutter, can ignore the distractions and plow through their work. They amaze me.

false alarm

2005-04-18T21:33:00.000-04:00

okay, so maybe what they tell you at the career center is true: don't panic if you don't have a job yet; everyone gets a job; maybe worry a little if you still don't have a summer job and you're buying your books for next fall's classes...

so in honor of cementing my plans for meaningful summer employment in the city, a story from my boyfriend's father's first law school summer in the working world:

He had gotten a job at a law firm, which mostly consisted of boring officey tasks. One of those was to water the plants. As the summer wore on, he continued to water them on a regular basis. As he continued watering them, they eventually began to pool and overflow. It was at that point that he realized the plants were plastic, and that no one at the firm had bothered to tell him that the whole time he was watering them.

may all our contributions this summer be so significant.

Our first public outing

2005-04-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

Contrary to popular belief, it's possible to keep (most of) your successes and failures private in law school. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut, because once you open it, no matter how much in confidence, it will get into the stream of gossip 95% of the time.

The time you can’t keep it private is when it is posted in the lobby of the school. A list of those who made it to the second round of moot court was publicly displayed and it led to an array of awkward behavior. Those who made it had to temper their responses as much as those who didn’t. For example, jumping up and down in joy, or dropping to your knees and kissing the floor would not be taken very well, nor would banging your head against the fedex box with tears and snot oozing down your face. I heard some, “I can’t believe X, Y and Z made it,” as well as the reverse, “I can’t believe X, Y and Z didn’t make it.” There were some “ugh, it’s because my brief grade was low since my teacher is an idiot,” as well as “the only reason I made it is because I got a good grade on my brief.” And while some may have tried to avoid the conversation altogether, it was impossible, since others were at the ready with their congratulations, or regrets.

It’s really the first time we’ve had to deal with knowing everyone's buisness in black and white. If I come out of this first year with anything useful, it'll be a tough skin. Or a raging inferiority complex that'll drive me to work harder.

The danger of judicial review

2005-04-12T21:48:00.000-04:00

My father, eager for evidence regarding the scourge of “liberal activist judges,” pointed to this 1893 case as an example of the threatening all-encompassing power of the Supreme Court:

“Botanically speaking, tomatoes are the fruit of a vine, just as are cucumbers, squashes, beans and peas. But in the common language of the people, whether sellers or consumers of provisions, all these are vegetables, which are grown in kitchen gardens, and which, whether eaten cooked or raw, are, like potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips, beets, cauliflower, cabbage, celery and lettuce, usually served at dinner in, with or after the soup, fish or meats which constitute the principal part of the repast, and not, like fruits generally, as dessert.” (Nix v. Hedden).

And that’s why tomatoes are considered vegetables, even though they are "botanically" fruit. The definition had been in dispute because of a tariff on vegetables. Fruit, oddly enough, was free to import. So instead of taxing fruit too, they just decided to turn a tomato into a vegetable, despite all dictionary definitions and science to the contrary.

Finding some things appealing about the Rule Against Perpetuties

2005-04-11T20:12:00.000-04:00

The difficult part is applying them:

Fertile octogenarian
Precocious toddler
Unborn widow
Slothful executor
Magic gravel pit
Interminable war

All of these are logical possibilities for how a property can vest too remotely and therefore be void under The Mysterious & Elusive Rule. I love the way each one sounds. They involve both toddlers and octogenarians getting knocked up (Lord Kenyon was naughty), people getting remarried to those who weren’t born yet at the time of their first marriage (ala a nonagenarian marrying a 26 year-old Anna Nicole Smith), executors that take more than 21 years to get their shit together and execute your will, wars that take too long, and the loaves of fishes of gravel pits.

tales from the job hunt: episode VIXIVIIIIMM

2005-04-10T18:27:00.000-04:00

So I had my 7th (I think) job interview of the season last week. The fact that I think it went well has lifted my spirits up just enough to post on this topic. The job search has become my own private closet monster. I even appreciated the fact that everyone had oral arguments going on last week, so I could blend in with the masses wearing my interview suit to class and not have that awkward conversation over and over and over again where you explain why you're dressed up to people who already have summer jobs.

On the plus side, I've really seen how much there is a community at school that wants to help out with this kind of thing - from the (okay - obvious resource) career center folks to professors to the students closer to graduating. And of course I know I am nowhere near the only person that doesn't have a job yet for the summer. Still, the refrain of "don't take it personally" is reassuring only to a point. The fact is, I haven't taken it personally thus far. But come on! We are talking about 10 weeks of free labor for you, potential employer! I never worked this hard for jobs that actually paid my rent. Did I mention the fact that I only want to help people?

I have only one stamp left in my booklet, but the resume paper is going strong. Pray for me.

Know when to hold 'em

2005-04-10T12:29:00.000-04:00

Just one day it would be nice to wake up after an outing with law school folks and not feel like I said something(s) stupid or revealed too much. The small town gossip circle is getting out of control, even though I’m not immune to its tantalizing power. I was approached last night about something I had no idea this person would know about, and am now convinced that I am perceived of as a homicidal lunatic. Maybe, minus the deadly force, they're right. Oh well. There are worse things to be considered, though nothing comes to mind at the moment.

Rule 12(b)(6)

2005-04-08T12:51:00.000-04:00

I'm starting my Civ Pro outline, sort of as penance for not having gone to class this semester. While doing my FRCP 12(b)(6) "motion to dismiss" section, I remembered that I had read this on someone else's blog long ago, way before I knew/cared what it meant. Without further ado:

If you’re havin’ claim problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but 12(b)(6) ain’t one

[Verse One]
I got Cravath & Co. on the fact patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my claim is closed
Posner is sayin my pleading’s all toast
I’m from HLS stupid what kind of tacks are those?
If you drew up your prose meetin’ rule ocho
You think you gotta be more specific? No!
I’m like “check Conley; kiss my whole asshole”
If you don’t like my pleadin’ you can get turned-over
Got beef with judges if I don’t pass them show
They don’t permit my ‘mendments where ain’t undue prejudice WHOA
Them defendents all try ‘n relate back
So clients can pin my Doe for real…losers
I don’t know what you take me as
or understand the intelligence that Dean Kagan has
I’m from rags to Cambridge, Justice I ain’t dumb
I got 99 problems but 12(b)(6) ain’t one
Sue me.

[Chorus]
99 Problems but 12(b)(6) ain’t one
If you havin claim problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but 12(b)(6) ain’t one
Sue me

[Verse Two]
The year is ‘94 and in my trunk is raw
In my rear view mirror is the motherfuckin’ law
I got two choices y’all pull over the car or
Bounce on the devil; dump due process on the floor
Now i ain’t tryin to see no litigation with jake
and 1988’s on my side i can fight the case
But I…pull over to the side of the road
And i heard “Son do you know why i’m stoppin you for?”
Cause I’m Vinnie Capasso and I got garbage to throw?
Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don’t know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo?
“Well you missed your last payment that malomar”
“License and registration and step out of the car”
“Are you aware of your rights? I’m sure a lot of you are”
I ain’t steppin out of shit – 14th amendment you bitch”
“Do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?”
Well you ain’t got authorization and you ain’t got no facts
And I know my rights so you don’t got due process for that
“Aren’t you sharp as a tack are you some type of lawyer or something?”
“Or some section 4 kid or somethin?”
Nah I ain’t pass the bar but I know a little bit
Enough that you won’t illegally replevin my shit
“We’ll see how smart you are when your notice comes”
I got 99 problems but 12(b)(6) ain’t one
Sue me

[Chorus X2]

[Verse Three]
Now once upon a time not too long ago
A student like myself had to hold a depo
This was not a depo like with a tape recorder
But a depo with my fist and a crowbar
I tried to 27(b) him, get him to talk
Pray for him, cause next time he ain’t gonna walk
You know the type, pointin’ to 26(b)(3)
Saying “that’s privileged bitch, you gettin’ nothing from me”
The only thing that’s gonna happen I’m gonna get ‘em on the stand
Gonna outdo what those retards in In Re Shell Oil can’t
And there I go trashin’ your privilege again
And if you don’t go complyin’ I’ll 37(d) yo ass
In-house council on the floor cryin’ again
Paralegals with they billables rackin’ them
Judge goes and tries to bring up Control Group Theory
That’s crap, but then I’d get your lower-level employee
All because these fools was harrasin’ me
Tryin’ to play this boy like he’s in section 3
But ain’t nothin sweet ’bout how i hold my Mont Blanc
I got 99 problems but this claim ain’t one
Sue me

[Chorus X3]

It kills me to think that people this creative are wasting their time in law school. From somebody at Harvard Law, and I first saw it, I think, on The Volokh Conspiracy.

Nausea

2005-04-07T23:44:00.000-04:00

I’m going to try to embrace the nausea that won’t go away. It’ll be like the beginning of pregnancy. The first trimester feels icky, but the second trimester is bliss. Ahh, working in the city this summer in sweater sets will be Bliss. Just kidding, I don’t own, nor plan on owning, a single sweater set.

Looks like my idealism lasted only a couple of months. Who was I kidding? I’m not going to save the world. I’m probably going to work 80 hour weeks at a firm to pay off my > $100K debt, and make excuses all along about why I’m not doing something noble. Or work for the government and sneak in "Pay off LLDG's loans" as a rider to a bill.

Can I leave the country and evade my loans? I’ll make like Gauguin, take off for Tahiti, make some art, die of syphilis (not leprosy, like I thought -- would have been more dramatic), become posthumously famous and someone will write a book about me. But, I don’t know how to make art of any kind, and I actually do want to be a lawyer. Maybe I can fake my own death, change my name, Photoshop up a nice new diploma and take the bar somewhere else. I’m sure it’s that easy. It kind of happened on Law and Order, and they didn’t realize it until the lawyer was killed. The dead ADA had stolen someone’s identity from Brooklyn Law who hadn’t even graduated. It must have happened somewhere, since those episodes are based on true stories…..

Advance Directives

2005-04-05T21:43:00.000-04:00

Today at this Bioethics panel at school, I learned about some of the horrible not-quite-death, not-quite-life stages one could fall into, leaving your loved ones with the awful question of what to do with you. That's where advance directives come in. If there’s someone in particular you trust with that decision (perhaps not the spouse who will be psyched to get rid of you AND score off your life insurance policy), appoint a health care proxy. Oddly enough, living wills aren’t fully recognized by NY Law, but they are accepted as evidence of your end-of-life wishes, so do that too.

The last thing I want to think about is dying, because lord knows I’ve already wasted valuable time freaking out about it. But almost less enticing is the idea of being a vegetative burden to anyone. Hopefully, the Schiavo situation will continue to make people aware of why that responsibility has to be assigned. I do wonder why no one (as far as I know) has addressed the bulimia issue. Her cardiac arrest was caused by her bulimia, and while that is a less divisive issue than removing a feeding tube, it’s still worth some air time as a public health concern.

Anyway, I didn’t know the difference between the different states of unconsciousness to non-consciousness, so here’s a quick, unscientific breakdown:
1. Coma: Prolonged unconsciousness, for usually no more than 2-4 weeks.
2. Persistent vegetative state: No cognitive function, but has a sleep-wake cycle and spontaneous movements.
3. Brain dead: End of all brain function. This is when they take your organs.

That being said, I haven't actually signed a Proxy or Living will. Putting something in the world that says "unplug me" is what needs to be done (at least for me), but it still feels kind of creepy.

2005-04-04T20:46:00.000-04:00

shot by Bluejake

Prepare for a life of discontent

2005-04-03T14:22:00.000-04:00

We are all a bunch of masochists. Apparently, according to the article in the ABA’s Student Lawyer magazine, while we enter law school having the same rates of depression as the general population, we leave a mess. And it’s not over then. “Lawyers are more likely to suffer from clinical depression, marital difficulties, and substance abuse than are any other professionals.”

It’s not surprising, considering the amplified level of anxiety most of our classmates seem to suffer preceding any major assignment or test. Now, in the real world, those kinds of assignments are going to be constant. Will we respond by learning to cope with the anxiety (through yoga, alcohol, membership in a cult, (more) meds), or just remain in a constant state of depression?

I really wonder if law school doesn’t attract people more prone to depression. Why is there such an undercurrent of insecurity even though everyone is bright? Is it the competitiveness propagated by the curve? Is it because there are people who came to law school because they wanted some kind of advanced degree as an (not necessarily accurate) objective stamp of intelligence? I thought law school would help my depression, since after years of futzing around, I was finally focused, and actually enjoying it, as much as one can during the first year. While it has helped that problem, it has exacerbated other personality disorders. Life is just bound to be one redistribution of neuroses after the other.

Barrister's Ball

2005-04-01T14:15:00.000-05:00

The Ball was really no different than your average law school binge-drinking fest. The first thing I did after dropping my coat off was head to the bar, and as I began my second drink, I was already on my way to oblivion. Apparently, the deep fried oysters and crab cake appetizers weren’t enough to absorb the alcohol in anyone else either. There were many droopy lids and one girl just flat out dropped and hit, I think, her face on the dance floor. It made me glad that I decided not to wear the 4 inch stilettos my friend lent me, especially since I don't wear any kind of heels, ever. I was drinking champagne most of the night, only because I couldn’t think to order anything else, not because I was trying to be fancy, as I ungraciously gulped from my flute. As you may imagine, my headache today is particularly awful.

The glass house we were in was pretty cool, though the clouds obstructed the view of the stars. The rain prevented us from going outside, which was too bad because the most alluring part about having the event at the Botanic Gardens was to be able to sneak off with your date, or someone else’s, and do it all over Cherry Blossom Esplanade.

The evening went by quickly and it was kind of fun to see everyone dressed up and check out their non-BLS lovers, but not different enough from the kind of fun at your local bar to make it something I will repeat next year.

One Rule to Rule Them All

2005-03-31T16:04:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of myths in law school: I'd always heard that the east coast was so competitive that students actually ripped pages out of the digests to keep everyone else from getting the cases they needed.* One by one, they've mostly been disproved, but there's still one that has staying power: that the rule against perpetuities is one tough son of a bitch.

I know a guy who graduated from Cardozo, and when he heard that I had property this semester, cryptically said "remember me when you get to the rule against perpetuities." It's only worse now; someone asked our property professor what the reading was for next class, and he told us via e-mail to review everything, but "one thing you MUST NOT do: Don’t venture into the Rule Against Perpetuities yet!" And this is from a guy who's on the board of directors at Human Rights Watch and is an advisor on African affairs. So when he tells us to watch out, you know you're heading into the shit.

I feel like I should go do push-ups or something. The "rule" is as close to Full Metal Jacket as I'll ever get, except that at the beginning of the semester, I thought I saw some similarity between Professor Torts and Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Oh that's right, Private Chadha, don't make any fucking effort to raise your voice to where we all can hear. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?"

I am in a world of shit.

*I can neither confirm nor deny, we don't use "books" to do legal research anymore; it's way too 1994

Moot history

2005-03-30T20:56:00.000-05:00

Moot court try-outs are over!! For some of us. My partner is a really calm (seeming) guy, but I, on the other hand, am terribly spastic. During our practice rounds, I couldn't focus, I cursed, I damned the whole thing to hell. Everyone else in class was so articulate; my words were a jumbled mess. All I wanted was to be able to answer the questions half-intelligibly and not piss on my only suit. Well, my suit stayed dry and I answered the questions, not brilliantly, but adequately. Adequately! Yes!! Definitely not moot court material, but glad to be able to contain this slobbering mess.

People seemed to feel that the constant stream of questions was preferable to relying on ourselves to come up with stuff to say. The two bits of silence, which were probably a test to see how well I got back on my "roadmap," (whatever that is), were catastrophic. It seemed nearly impossible in that silence to pick a point and continue with it, since we had already skimmed through the whole issue. After a long, long pause, I picked something and tried to go with it, awkwardly, but a judge bailed me out. Thank you, judge.

At the end, they had us leave the room for a few minutes and then re-enter after evaluating us. Before, they were antagonistic and almost mean, but when we returned, they were totally cool and supportive. Now, it isn't clear how much of their commentary was to make us better about making total asses out of ourselves, but it was still great that we got a chance to talk with them instead of just leaving the room cold after our arguments.

My opposing counsel was complimented on his smile, which led our professor to think that the whole thing is just a scam to explore the 1L dating pool. Otherwise, they also liked his demeanor and how well he responded to their obviously biased questions (They personally agreed with my side). Their only complaint was that he was slightly too aggressive at one point. They told me that I spoke quickly, flailed my arms about, said "I" too much, and shouldn't have put down my client. Oops. There was more, but anyone preparing for moot court should keep those things in mind. The hand gestures weren't terrible, but they cautioned that many judges don't dig it.

That may have been more stressful than finals. At least with finals, you're being graded anonymously. Here, you're playing make-believe with fellow students, who are literally judging, but also have this kind of secret information about you. It's like getting changed in the locker room; you all see each other naked, and act like it's totally normal, but in the real world you can look at each other and think, I know what you look like without clothes.

Saunas and S'Agapo

2005-03-28T18:37:00.000-05:00

Spring break is a marvelous invention.

a few highlights:

1) My first ever trip to a Finnish clothing optional sauna. There we met a woman (part of an older couple) who grilled my friends on the New York art scene and told me her niece went to BLS and is now practicing IP law with Penguin Publishing. All this while she was naked in the hot tub!

2) My first ever Trivial Pursuit win! I hate that game! But the 20th anniversary edition has a really cool device for holding/drawing/replacing the cards that looks like some kind of space-age replicator device. Plus everything gets more fun when you start winning.

3) Yesterday's Easter feast at S'Agapo (which means "I love you" in Greek) in Astoria. There I ate rabbit for the first time (come on, we had to - it was the special!), found it exceptionally delicious yet bony, and was subsequently wracked with Easter bunny guilt.

Nothing to talk about

2005-03-27T00:17:00.000-05:00

Has law school destroyed my [already questionable] social skills? It was nearly impossible to maintain a conversation this evening because I just had nothing to say – the fact that there was no alcohol at this dinner probably had a lot to do with it, which is a little scary. It’s difficult to throw in a Rule 14 anecdote into a chat, even though I had just been reviewing it on the subway over. Forget about talking about school in general; that would bore the bejesus out of any poor listener. No one outside law school cares about catching up in torts, or what the hell moot court is, or law review, or Westlaw points, or why don't we have a gym, or who said what in conlaw. And why should they?

Eating through the South

2005-03-25T20:47:00.000-05:00

Last night I got back from a road trip down South. IC and I expected to be able to lie out on the beach and drink margaritas, but it wasn’t far south enough to be anything more than remotely warmer than NY. The most remarkable thing about the trip was the amount of grease we consumed. The closest I came to eating vegetables was a squash casserole that had bits of squash and chunks of bread slathered in a cheesy substance, and it oozed oil. Here's an abridged run-down of our diet.

Monday morning: Cheesesteak (cheezwhiz, no onions) from Pat’s King of Steaks. We were surprised that we weren't the only ones eating cheesesteak at 10 AM.

Monday evening: BBQ ribs with two sides of “vegetables" (onion rings and mushroom salad) and hushpuppies. Our waitress stole my heart by offering to make me a fresh pot of coffee. People are friendlier down there.

Tuesday morning: Biscuits and gravy with bits of sausage with a side of grits and a big ball of butter.

Tuesday evening: Oysters, shrimp and crab. This was the first and only time I had fresh fish on the trip, or what I believe was fresh fish. I used to work at a restaurant right near the water, but everything was either from a can or the freezer, and we were supposed to assure the customers that it was freshly caught. That night I was cracking the crab legs with my back teeth because our waitress had forgotten to give me the tool, and I didn't want to seem like a wuss by asking for a pair.

Wednesday afternoon: hushpuppies, crab and corn soup, stuffed potato with crab and shrimp, squash casserole and side of corn. This was the meal that pushed me over the edge. As soon as we sat down they placed six hushpuppies on our table, and I knew I couldn't order anything fried. Instead of sticking with fresh fish, which was way too expensive for my sad budget, I went with what I thought was a "healthy" option: the stuffed potato lunch special. That was probably the most lard-laden item on the menu. I usually eat more than most people I know, so it was particularly surprising that I could barely get through a third. I brought the potato with me to eat later, but within 6 hours it started stinking up the car and I had to throw it out.

I know, I really raged this spring break. But eating is so much more fun than most things, except maybe appearing in a Girls Gone Wild video from a spring break mecca like Cancun.

FOIA break

2005-03-15T23:52:00.000-05:00

To distract me from my sad, sad understanding of property, today I went to the FOIA request training at school. Who knew it was so easy? Kind of. All you do is fill in a form letter and then wait for the agency to reject you by broadly contruing one of its nine exemptions or three exclusions. Then you write an appeal saying something about how a democracy requires access to government documents. Then you get rejected again. Then you go to court. Then you say, I’m just a law student, someone else take care of this.

No, actually, it is a good way to help non-profits that need the extra labor, especially for keeping on top of the follow-up communications if the documents don’t come right away. One student asked, who keeps track of the requests? The NYCLU lawyer replied, basically, “be paranoid.” If you’re requesting info about detainees, consider yourself watched. While this is probably true, she did say something else kind of bizarre: that mapquest won’t allow you to get directions from airports to anywhere else for national security purposes. This is false. I just checked, and if her info was correct at some point, mapquest has apparently reconsidered and decided to throw us to the terrorists.

It’s a hectic week as we wind our way down towards spring break. I’m spazzing out, trying to get my appellate moot court argument in order so that I can [pretend to] relax for the few days I’ll be away. I didn’t leave NYC during winter break, and I’m giddy at the idea of being far from Joralemon Street. My property workbook and maybe Prosser and Keeton will be close by, just in case I feel the anxiety kick in somewhere between Waffle House (pecan waffles!!!) and Chic-Fil-A.

Auctioneering

2005-03-13T21:24:00.000-05:00

There are lots of ways to raise money for a good cause, but after last Thursday night, I can't think of one more effective then an auction.

Brooklyn Law Students for the Public Interest (BLSPI) threw their annual auction last week, and it seems to have been a huge success. Maybe it was their authentic little auctioneer, maybe it was the feeling that comes from helping a good cause, maybe it was just the $5 bottomless beer and the fiscal confidence it bestows, but I'm hooked. BLSPI raised $40,280, and though I can't claim to be responsible for any part of that amount, since I was outbid on every item, it was nice trying. There's an adrenaline rush that comes from bidding $600 for a weekend in someone else's cabin when you know that you only have $70 left in your checking account.

It was shocking to see how much disposable income some of my fellw students had. Nearly $400 for cocktails and dinner with Prof CivPro? Especially when you know the poor old guy would be more than happy to take his students out for free. It's all for a good cause though. I'm addicted to the action, but I'm starting off on a budget.

Time to start panicking?

2005-03-13T15:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there are only 5 1/2 weeks of classes left. What the hell happened? What have we learned? I haven't even started a single outline. We haven't touched the notoriously difficult Rule Against Perpetuities yet. Upcoming: 2nd draft of the brief, oral arguments, learning something about Civpro, Barrister's Ball (at $50 a head, I'm still undecided. The Botanic Gardens is an awesome venue, there's an open bar and we get to play dress-up for the night, but no dinner? Will hors d'oeuvres be enough to assuage the effects of all that alcohol? Haven't they seen us drink, ie, bottomless beverage at the auction this past week?) and basically trying to pull together the semester before it's too late and I self-sabotage. It's difficult when the only thing at risk is my own GPA. Give me someone else relying on me, and I won't fuck around, but that's just not good enough for potential employers. That being the way it is, back to defeasible estates.

Latecomers

2005-03-11T16:02:00.000-05:00

Recently, a student emailed at least two of our professor complaining about latecomers disrupting and disrespecting the class. This person has beef especially with those who come in with a cup of coffee, since it indicates that they had the time to stop instead of rushing to class, and is a particular affront to the professor and the students. Is it? Is there some objective standard of respect? Granted, I don’t know how everyone else feels, but I don't feel disrespected. When someone comes in late, even if I have to move my chair out of the way, that doesn't detract from my education at all.

Apparently, it’s the time of the year for the issue to come up, since there was a debate regarding the same “problem” over at Menlovian just last week. Is it a problem? I’m psychotically easily annoyed. If you want to make me truly miserable, eat popcorn next to me in a movie, smack your lips while chewing gum and listen to your ipod extra loud on the subway. I will fantasize about jabbing my pen into your jugular. But then, I’ll move. Or deal with it. Despite being easily annoyed by stupid things, for some odd reason, the chronic latecomers don’t bother me at all, and it’s not because I’m one of them.

Is the problem distraction? Most of the students, at one time or another, are distracted by their very own computer screens. Or by the computer screen of the person in front of them IMing their pal across the room, or shopping for shoes, or playing westlaw trivia. Should we ban computers? Internet access? Are we not able to control ourselves enough to know when to unplug our Ethernet cord? Do we need some strict code of conduct so that no one will do anything in the room that will ever annoy anyone else?

On a similar note, there were complaints regarding certain people dominating the class with their comments. I’m not sure if this was because people would prefer being lectured to by the teacher, or want to hear from other people. If it's the former, then law school is probably not for you. If it’s the latter, I’m sure the professor would be more than happy to call on students other than the half dozen who currently (and probably not by choice) monopolize discussions. If you have something to say, raise your hand, but don’t get mad at the talkers. I'm not a talker either, since my palms get sweaty at the thought of speaking in class. But that's not their fault.

What’s the point of all this? In the real world outside law school, people will walk in late with their coffee. You can’t control them. Some people will talk more than others. If this bothers you, raise your hand and argue them into silence.

courtroom drama

2005-03-10T17:58:00.000-05:00

last weekend I had the opportunity to see The Last Days of Judas Iscariot. In some ways it was the perfect preparation for my impending trial advocacy team tryout, since the bulk of the show takes place in a courtroom in Purgatory where a tenacious lawyer has brought a petition on behalf of Judas Iscariot. However, it was chock full of references that made me wish I'd actually read The Bible, and I'm pretty sure that most procedural rules are off when Satan is testifying (incidentally the highlight of the show). The play was too long, and mysteriously devoid of humor in it's second "half" (aka two-thirds). But in some ways I liked how the ridiculousness of a case like God and the Kingdom of Heaven and Earth v. Judas Iscariot is reminiscent of other ridiculous titles of matters our legal system has seen fit to pass judgment on.

Menstruating soldiers = lost wars?

2005-03-09T10:19:00.000-05:00

Sometimes in class I get worried, like what if they’re right? By them, I mean everyone who disagrees with me on any particular issue. In this case, the issue was gender equality in the military. Some arguments thrown out in our last conlaw brawl (to which I won’t hold the speakers to, since who knows what they really believe) were easily dismissible, like women need to stay home and take care of the babies, and what about menstruation?! What about menstruation? Jesus, if people find ways to take a shit in combat, I’m sure ladies can figure out a quick, discrete way to change their tampon. Or maybe the army even issues super-absorbent pads or tampons for the fighting girl.

But what about deployability? That was the one thing that almost got me. I looked at Department of Defense stats that said that 10.6% of women were not deployable that year, half because of pregnancy. Only 4.6% of men were not deployable. So that argument may hold a little water if there was a draft and we needed people to fight ASAP. Better to draw from a pool of people who would be more likely to be fit. But wait a minute, what about the fact that men take longer leave from the military from non-combat related injuries than women do from pregnancy? And what about the probability that once women are in combat, they’re probably not having that much sex, even less unprotected sex, and even at the off-chance they do get pregnant, it wouldn’t be such a huge burden on the military to ship them home?

It seems that the military is interested in preventing kids born to non-American women from coming to this country and perhaps burdening the American men who impregnated them overseas -- wouldn’t want to disrupt the American family he already has here. And they want to prevent (gasp!) same sex relationships for who knows what reason. And they are worried that American women soldiers are going to get knocked up on the battlefield or, even worse, lower support for the war at home, since people don’t like women getting shot up, but 18 year old boys, sure, that’s much more acceptable. Yes, I know the military knows how to conduct wars much better than this little whiner in Brooklyn, but they should at least have a reasonable justification for their exclusions.

So where do I stand? Of course I hate war, especially Bush wars, so it’s difficult to advocate sending anyone over there. But if there is ever going to be true gender equality, it would be hypocritical to exclude women from any military positions (provided they pass the same requirements as men), and a draft, if it comes to that. Now that I’ve thought about it, my original stance didn’t change, so no, this time they didn’t win. However, it’s just another example of how you can always find evidence to support your position.....

Loving the Latin

2005-03-07T21:51:00.000-05:00

There are dozens of latin phrases that I had some vague idea existed before school started. I had no idea what they meant, but I knew they were floating out there somewhere, and I knew that they were latin.

They all sounded a lot more important than they actually are. Res ipsa loquitor means "the thing speaks for itself," which in turn means that some accidents are so weird that somebody must have screwed up. Nothing like the law to obscure things under procedure and language.

Luckily, two out of the next three cases in conlaw are about sodomy laws (no latin at all). I can already hear how uncomfortable Justice Scalia is. That's how we spice things up here at 250 Joralemon.

moot luck

2005-03-04T12:33:00.000-05:00

in honor of the trial advocacy tryouts (way to rock it LD!) and the appellate fun just around the bend, I thought I'd share a small story from a phone call with my dad a few weeks ago. His moot court experience led to his first trip to New York (he was a brief writer in that competition rather than an orator - like father like OE I suppose).

Father of OE: "I remember we won state, and then went to the regional competition in New Mexico and won it. Then we went to nationals in New York, where we were promptly blown out of the water by all the New York schools. I remember though, going to see Times Square, which was a very different, seedier place in those days... [protracted pause]
I mean... all we did was look..."

OE: "Shouldn't you have been rehearsing or something?"

Father of OE: "I think that might have been the night after we lost."

Sweet Prizes

2005-03-04T00:14:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy week at school for all the people who decided to participate in the trial advocacy competition starting this weekend. Among them are my co-bloggers, OE and LD, and I wish them the best of luck. But it hasn't been all lazy afternoons and post-brief bliss for those of us too self-conscious to play at being a lawyer yet.

For example, I spent the week finally amassing enough points on West Law trivia (sample question: true or false, isn't westlaw just about the greatest thing ever? really, isn't it? your pants aren't warm just because you have a computer in your lap, it's westlaw isn't it!) to buy the prize I've had my eye on since I earned my first reward program point: the Braun Flex XP II Shaving System: "7800 RPM motor, sealed and water resistant. The Clean & Charge system automatically cleans shaver so it always delivers the closest shave." Goodbye, morning razor routine. You won't be missed.

To those who don't think this is a point-effective way to spend my West Law bounty, I'd like to point out that the exchange rate for my shaver is $.015/pt vs $.010/pt for the iPod and $.014/pt for the canon digital camera. It's a great deal, and I'm not going to shave again until it reaches my door in 4-6 weeks.

Clichés on clichés

2005-03-03T01:48:00.000-05:00

I’m desperately trying to come up with some clever catchphrase for the theme of my case for the trial advocacy try-outs and realize that it’s impossible. So I started looking specifically for clichés since that seems to be what the trial lawyers like to use (even though we’re supposed to avoid clichés in all other kinds of legal writing – underestimating the jury’s intelligence, perhaps??). Anyway, I came across this database and found some crazy idioms I never heard before (examples of use provided by the website):

The rabbit died: according to myth, a sign that a woman is pregnant. Example: When Pop heard I was pregnant he said, "So the rabbit died, eh."

The air was blue: there was much swearing, someone said bad words. Example: When Dad discovered the dent in his Cadillac, the air was blue!

All hat and no cattle: pretending to be important and rich. Example: If a man buys things he can't pay for, he's all hat and no cattle.

So now, here’s what I have:

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution’s case is all hat and no cattle. Sure, when the defendant and the deceased were arguing in the living room, the air was blue. But this rabbit hadn’t died yet.”

My adversary is so fucked.

Good News

2005-03-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I wrote the easiest letter to an employer a 1L ever gets to write. No agonizing over tone, spelling or grammar. I was too familiar with receiveing this kind of letter not to know how to say it.

Dear Judge,

Thank you for your recent interest in me. As you know, it's been a very competitive summer job season, and there are more qualified employers than I could ever possibly accept. I assure you it was a difficult decision. However, you are not alone in your disappointment, as I will reject many more judges, firms, and public interest organizations than I am able to allow to employ me. I wish you the best of luck in your future recruiting efforts.

Sincerely, I.A. Chadha

Alright, that's not exactly what you get to say, and it's not even true; I had nobody else to reject, but for the first time in this job search, I felt a little bit in control of the situation.

So this summer I'll be working here. You can't tell from the picture, but the building is currently undergoing renovations, and most judges have relocated across the street. When I was there interviewing, it had an eery locked-in-the-marble-museum-after-closing sort of feel to it, and it was a little quiet for my tastes, but after all the rejection, I would've happily manned the metal detector.

It wasn't even the chambers that I got along best with, and when the clerk offered me the position, I asked if I could have some time to think about it. He hadn't really considered it, but yeah, I could have some time, would I "need more than an hour?" What's the saying? One job in the hand or something? Maybe that's something else... anyway, I took it. No matter how you look at it, it's better than my last job, even without the apron and all of the shame.

More Snow

2005-03-01T10:39:00.000-05:00

This is brooklyn right now.

I woke up this morning after one of my several recurring dreams that come when my self-esteem is particularly low. It involves someone I knew and whose relationship ended at this party at this multi-level loft no one I know will ever be able to afford. It was like the apartment madonna ends up at in who's that girl with the cougar and the jungle. The guests were mostly in furs and stilettos. I was very, very drunk and threw up on the subway platform on the way home. It was one of those low nights that I will probably always cringe at remembering, and while the result was for the best, it conjures up personal failure nicely.

Anyway, trial ad try-outs are at the end of this week -- another thing to worry about!! To your right is the very illustrative juror retention curve. Start and end strong. Thank you helpful graph. I'm thinking a heavy dose of trial movies will be good prep. They seem to be a hell of a lot more interesting, and shorter, than the real thing.

Fellow Bloggers

2005-02-28T22:39:00.000-05:00

We've noticed a lot of new local visitors over here at Intermeddler, and we figure that can only be the result of a mention over at Menlovian. Welcome to all the new visitors, thanks to Menlovian for sending them our way, and thanks for letting us know about your BLS blog.

I've been googling for other Brooklyn blogs for the past six months and hadn't found anything. I guess that's because I never combined Brooklyn with search terms like "ass faucet". If I had, though, I would have already discovered the smelly poop site, which lets me send "really smelly poop to [my] mean friends." Lucky for you, professor lowest-grade.

and the award goes to...

2005-02-28T00:21:00.000-05:00

in honor of having spent the last 141/2 hours in the library hacking away at my moot court brief, I decided to give it a little award for being the worst law school experience yet

because the award is one of pure disdain and loathing, I will deliver the speech, while my brief lies horizontal in a pasty manila folder on the 7th floor of the law school passing the cold lonely night it so thoroughly deserves

a transcript:

"So... where can I begin - there's so little time! First of all, I want to thank you, moot court brief, for sucking so much. I don't think we'd both be here if you weren't excessively wordy and unpersuasive.

But plenty of things are worse than a bullshit argument, right? I'll tell you what's worse - a bullshit argument that's a page longer than the limit. There was nothing I could do. You know how a computer will tell you your document is 10 pages long and then magically spit out 11 once it prints? Is that just my Word Perfect causing trouble, or do they all do it? Anyway, it happened, about 10 minutes before the library was closing. You aren't due until tomorrow, moot court brief, but since I have some engagements that will prevent me from being at school in the morning, I had set myself a midnight deadline.

The story wouldn't be complete without some other thanks though... first of all, thank you to the horrifying footer confusion which produced such mutant creatures as two different page numbers printed atop one another. And thanks, of course, to Word Perfect again, for adopting a mode as the end drew near where you inexplicably closed my file without registering saved changes every time I attempted to enter text into a footer. I might have held on, I might have tried to edit more, cut the monster down to size. But with all of your help, I could only crumble. The clock ran out and I gave up."

And finally, some genuine thanks to passim, which sounds like an exotic sweet and is not, but does have the pleasing characteristic of allowing you to substitute one entry in your Table of Authorities for what would be a lengthy list of page numbers.

I'm only half alive. I ate Raisinets for dinner at 9:30. I don't care anymore and it's over.

The last to the party that you didn't really want to go to but felt like you should

2005-02-28T00:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, so this is a blog, and in order to make it a bona fide blog, we have to mention the Gates, right? Well, I wasn’t going to visit, but then I decided that I should at least see what it was I'd been dismissing as annoying all these weeks. So today, on this last day before they are torn down, IAC and I decided to postpone reading property and check it out.

It was a beautiful day, and it felt great to be outside for an extended period of time. However, the gates themselves were really underwhelming. To think that people traveled to the city from faraway places to see it almost offended me. Maybe I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m just an uncreative lawyer-to-be with no vision. I don’t know. I found the somerville gates much more entertaining, but that was mostly due to the cat, and Bluejake's Gate above is pretty cute too.

So that’s it. Unmoved by the gates, but happy with the fresh air, we walked up to Columbia to humor our school envy. When we saw that the law school was not housed in one of the magnificent old buildings within the gates, but actually in this unattractive modern structure across the street, we felt a teeny bit better. Then we had some watery hot chocolate at the Hungarian Café, remembered the kickass hot chocolate near school and called it a day.

Acting Legal

2005-02-25T21:58:00.000-05:00

A self-described yippie currently residing in Woodstock, NY and trained by Lee Strasberg came to our school to teach a 4 session “performance skills for lawyers” class. She was really the female Woody Allen, demeanor, voice and all.

The class was about relaxation techniques and the students performing opening or closing statements to be critiqued by the teacher. Today I gave the opening argument for the prosecution in a murder trial, which was no where near the eloquence of the Susan B. Anthony or Scopes trial openings that other students presented. However, it still felt good to be dramatic and wave my arms around and pound the table, a nice diversion from the typical day at school, sitting and staring at my laptop screen. An hour or so later I watched the movie the opening argument came from and saw that the actor, Kevin Bacon was far, far less dramatic than I. Granted, he loses the case in the movie, but that’s only because his opponent was Tom Cruise.

So what did I take away from my 4 weeks with Lola? Relax, don’t clench your fists when you’re speaking in front of an audience, people in the 60’s were a lot more fun than they are now, and juries don’t care much about the truth; they just like entertaining lawyers. Hopefully, that’s not quite right,
but like Arthur Kirkland says in and justice for all, when he sabotages his own corrupt client:

“It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Let's Make a Deal!" "Let's Make a Deal!" Hey Frank, you wanna make a deal?! I got an insane judge who likes to beat the s**t out of women! Whaddaya wanna gimme Frank, three weeks probation? You killed McCullough! You killed him! Hold it! Hold it! I JUST COMPLETED MY OPENING STATEMENT!”

Moot court arguments this Spring are going to be so much fun. Since my brief totally blew and I'm probably not going to make Moot Court Honor's Society anyway, I'm just going to go balls out Al Pacino style.

Strange Omens

2005-02-24T16:08:00.000-05:00

I woke up from a nap a few minutes ago during which I had an unsettling dream. I dreamt I was interviewing for a judicial internship and the judge decided his chambers would be a local bar (Floyd's on Atlantic Street, I think), for whatever reason most of my friends from school were invited.

Things looked good. I was fielding the normal questions pretty well, even when he asked how I thought my previous experience unloading trucks at a grocery store was relevant, I pulled an answer out of the sludge. At one point, the judge brought out a trumpet out from behind the bar, blew a weak, tinny note which he followed with a full blast. He said I sounded too much like the first one. That might have just been the horn from the staten island ferry --which you can hear every twenty minutes-- trying to work it's way into my dream, or it might have been some Freudian phallic thing I should have learned about in my undergrad psych class, but either way, it seems like poor interviewing etiquette.

As always, the judge said he'd move quickly, which he did. His clerk came over and said "sorry to do this in front of your friends, but we unanimously decided that we didn't want a regional accent in our chambers." I countered with something about how 1) I didn't have any kind of accent and 2) I didn't need to talk, I could just write. The second clerk replied "I've read your writing sample, and you don't have a vocabulary." Not even that I had a poor one, he said it didn't exist.

I didn't even know I had this level of self doubt/loathing, but apparently my sub-conscious is pretty clear on the issue. I'm just going to have to chalk it up to bad voodoo in the air: my pseudonym for our memo last semester was based on a Hunter S. Thompson character who, the night before our moot court brief was due, shot himself.

Diary of a Long Night

2005-02-21T22:16:00.000-05:00

Our Moot Court brief is due tomorrow afternoon at 2:00. To celebrate that fact, I've decided to stay up all night finishing it. I thought I'd update this post every now and then over the next 16 hours to let our readers (who don't comment nearly as often as they should) follow how things are going.

Monday, 10:21 PM
I'm writing my statement of the case. Most of my classmates did this over a week ago, received the professor's comments, and will now turn them back in. That was the smart thing to do. I've just opened my 2-litre bottle of Pepsi, which I'm drinking out of a wine glass because it's the only clean dish left in my apartment. I'm saving the coffee for later and reserving the cocaine for emergencies.

Tuesday, 12:55 AM
My case is stated, and now I'm on to refining my argument section. I'm thinking I should have started with a caffeine source other than Pepsi. I now have a sticky film on my teeth, diabetes, and am taking too many bathroom breaks. At least coffee would have left me with only one of those problems. My IM window shows me that Lady-Duff is also putting in a late night. OE is in the international moot court section, and out of deference to the fact that the international community always takes longer to get things done, doesn't have to turn her brief in for another week.

Tuesday, 3:43 AM
Still deep in the bowels of my argument and it's as bad a place to be as it sounds. I'm still very much wide awake, however, and things are starting to come together. It's still one of the worst pieces of work I've ever put a pseudonym to, but I'm caring less and less as the hours tick by. All indications are that Lady-Duff is also still going strong, though reports indicate she is eating cookie dough straight from the tube.

Tuesday, 6:37 AM
The argument is finished. I'm now working on the cite-checking and the table of authorities; stuff which I normally wouldn't mind but which requires an attention to detail I'm not sure I'm capable of right now. I've got a lot of sugar in me, so I've put off food until 9:00 or so, at which time I've got a nice pot of coffee and a nutella sandwich waiting for me.

Tuesday, 9:38 AM
That's as good as it's going to get. I'm worried I'm going to accidentally oversleep and miss the deadline, so I'm just going to get dressed, go to school, turn this thing in and be done with it. I smell terrible. I can't say enough good things about coffee. I didn't want to make moot court anyway. Goodnight.

Note to Future 1Ls

2005-02-20T01:22:00.000-05:00

When deciding whether to be a plaintiff or a defendant for the purposes of writing your first-year appellate brief, ask yourself this question: "on a scale of 1-10, how much of a free-spirited hippy is my LW professor?" It can be hard to tell, because everyone is so fashionable these days, but look for the tell-tale signs: regular yoga lessons and lower-back tattoos are usually enough to unmask the demon. It's important because if you choose the government or corporate side, no matter how clear-cut your case might be in the real world, no matter how straightforward the law, she will sabotage you.

We're trying to convince a court to affirm a motion for summary judgment. What do we have to go on? We're in the 2nd district, but our lower court judge relied on an unpublished WI state court case, which says on the cover-page in caps: UNPUBLISHED OPINIONS ARE OF NO PRECEDENTIAL VALUE AND MAY NOT BE CITED. Nice. I'd ignore it, but we were instructed to discuss it in our argument. Found a good 2001 Supreme Court Case that clarifies the issue, and teaches us the current state of the law at the same time? Nope! This note in the instructions takes care of that: "due to a very confusing 2001 case... you are to use no case law after the year 2000."

To top it all off, the issue itself is summary fuckin' judgment. In previous years, students worked on interesting and controversial constitutional issues. I've heard about other people working on compelling I.P. issues or, in the case of O.E., the legal status of detainees under the Geneva Convention. We're working to affirm a summary judgment. And this is from one of the coolest writing instructors out there, which leads me to believe that this is normal. Christ almighty, is this what I have to look forward to?

week in review: law school edition

2005-02-18T23:33:00.000-05:00

property:
so there is a hierarchy of trademarks, ranging from arbitrary (like amazon.com - no problem trademarking that) to suggestive (like Greyhound for a bus company) to generic (aspirin lost its trademark because people thought it was the name of the drug itself as opposed to a brand). many thanks to the member of our class who raised their hand to offer In-N-OUT Burger in response to the professor's query for examples of "suggestive" trademarks.

constitutional law:
I love our loosening-up ConLaw professor - not only did he give us a debate topic that spurred the most fun ConLaw class ever, he also divided up the class by saying "the right side will represent the government, the left side will argue for the plaintiff, the middle will be the court, and I'll be... I'll be God" and made a joking reference to the idea of "medium rare scrutiny" (falling somewhere in between the strict scrutiny standard for race and the intermediate scrutiny standard for gender under the equal protection clause?). to top it all off? we DON'T HAVE CLASS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS. my brief also loves our ConLaw professor.

the job search:
IAC and OE lived to tell the tale of their first post-interview summer job rejections. oh well. we didn't want them anyway. right? I did mention intermeddler in one interview (though not by name) as a way I've found to deal with law school stresses - the same interview where the head of the project told me the Peace Corps is fucked up, saw that I had spent a summer in Santa Fe and proceeded to fixate upon the skiing trip he'd taken there over New Year's, while the second interviewer darted eyes across my resume and made failed attempts to redirect the conversation towards something vaguely law-related. I haven't heard back from them yet, but I hope it's a yes.

dining out:
the Chipshop is finally open on Atlantic Ave! it just wasn't open quite late enough for us Thursday night.. but apparently the later hours will begin soon. local anticipation has been building for a long, long time... in order to relate this to the intermeddler theme, try thinking about how our judicial system is rooted in the English common law. then think about deep fried candy bars.

same-sex bathrooms

2005-02-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

in conlaw yesterday, we were arguing whether separated sex (or gender? it wasn’t made clear) bathrooms (or, as the advocates for same sex bathrooms say, sex-segregated) violated the 14th amendment. while i would probably concede that it doesn’t, i still don’t get why people are so resistant to the idea.

one problem with the discussion was that the distinction between separate sex and separate race bathrooms was not made clear. the arguments in favor of separation were disturbingly similar to the arguments in favor of race separation 50 years ago, like inherent differences between the two groups and fear of violence.

the privacy issue didn’t seem like a compelling interest either. no one likes doing their business when other people are around, regardless of sex. i have a friend who won’t even use bathrooms with stalls because she is so self-conscious. if forced to, she will have a friend watch the door and warn her if someone’s coming. if we have to appeal to everyone’s sense of privacy, we would have to abolish the stall system all together, which would be costly and the lines would be insane.

also, the idea that it would be unsexy or whatever for the opposite sex to be present is a pretty heterosexual-centric view.

then there’s the issue of transgendered people. since they don’t adhere to the stereotypical conceptions of male or female, they often face harassment in whichever single-sex bathroom they end up in, whether based on sex or gender. if the bathrooms didn’t distinguish, their status would be more normalized in society.

furthermore, the issue of mixed sex bathrooms brought up the possibility of violence by men against women. while this is a possibility, this would usually only occur if there weren’t other people in the bathroom, and in that case, a man could be waiting in there anyway. sexual predators will probably not be deterred by a sign that says “women.” also, this argument ignores the possibility of male on male rape in men’s bathrooms.

i don’t know. ultimately, it’s not an issue i feel that strongly about. however, it was remarkable how the conversation really brought out my classmates' views. when speaking of affirmative action cases, or same sex marriages, people are probably more likely to tailor their comments for fear of sounding biased either way. but with this seemingly innocuous issue, people were much more willing to state their raw opinions. it was definitely interesting, and hopefully the beginning of more unfettered debate in class.

stuck in detention

2005-02-15T18:53:00.000-05:00

tonight I'm working on getting my moot court brief started. while my co-bloggers delve into one of those Titles with a Roman numeral involved, I innocently chose an international law problem. we were warned that we'd have to learn different methods of research (why am I not surprised that Lexis and Westlaw only have treaties the US is a party to?), but what I'm grappling with now is how to come up with a whole new way to argue in this strange and mythical world where cases are persuasive and not binding.

the plus side is that we have a really interesting problem involving terrorism, unlawful detention and prisoners of war, which is of course highly relevant to the times. and, the extra bonus for me is NOT being assigned to the side that was encouraged to use Bush administration memos to support their arguments.

I'm remain conflicted about this whole moot court idea... sure - it sounds like it might be fun - more fun at least than *law review. But that's assuming I could get to a place where speaking in front of people didn't cause me extreme anguish, and in order to get anywhere near selection for the moot court team I estimate I'll have to get to that place sometime between now and the end of March. I did also recently hear from a law student further along in years at another school that his moot court experience prompted a blanket statement that he would never do anything voluntarily again as long as he lives.

*a term of art: free labor disguised as prestige

they're trying to take your money

2005-02-11T22:52:00.000-05:00

i used to make fun of a woman i worked with for being paranoid and bringing her old mail to the office to shred. i must be an idiot. granted, no one would ever want to steal my identity since i won’t be allowed another credit card for 5-7 years, but identity theft, especially over the internet, is pervasive. look at the email i received yesterday. i’ve received similar ones at least once every 2 weeks, as i’m sure most people with an email account have. if even a miniscule fraction of the people respond to this “phishing” technique and hand over their delicate info, this means large ill-gotten gains by the defrauder, and many hours of arguing with your credit card company. one study by the ftc found 9.91 million victims of id theft in the prior year who lost an average of $4,800 and 30 hours of their lives trying to fix their credit and get their money back. that is just a bullshit hassle.

Call of the Criminal Law

2005-02-10T11:49:00.000-05:00

When I first came to Brooklyn, the idea of working as a criminal lawyer a la The Practice fit somewhere near tax and insurance law in the heirarchy of what I might be interested in. Man, it's sure starting to look cool.

Yesterday, I went to a short seminar on the role of the media in high-profile criminal cases. It was put together by Brooklyn faculty member and alum Gerald Shargel, who has made a career out of taking high profile cases and now in his spare time teaches criminal procedure and evidence as an adjunct. His panel guests included ABC's Cynthia McFadden; Greg Smith, a cool, gruff, James Elroyesque reporter for the NY Daily News; and, to make me feel old and unaccomplished, Patrick O’Gilfoil Healy, a New York Times reporter who is, wait for it, only 23 years old. Listening to these people describe the cases they've worked on and covered; what makes a case catch the public's imagination, the perils of a client who won't stop talking, the merits of television cameras in the court room. Well, it just sounded cool. And I'm not just saying that because "D.A." has a cool, Elliot Ness tough-guy kind of cachet to it.

Nah, that's it. "D.A." just sounds, really, really cool.

job fair anxiety

2005-02-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

the daunting nyu job fair is tomorrow. with 168 organizations and 21 law schools in attendance, i fear total chaos and panic. black and navy suits shoving each other out of the way to get closer to the much-coveted attorney general or aclu positions. recruiters rolling their eyes as “your organization is my top choice!” echoes throughout the fair. rubbing sweaty palms on my suit as i hear that the interviewee before me goes to yale. i wish i got this nervous about my grades; then i wouldn’t have to be so freaked out about getting a job.

Counselors of the Macabre

2005-02-07T11:03:00.000-05:00

So it turns out that law school libraries (which these days consist mostly of dusty federal reporters missing their digest and places you can plug in your laptop to get on Lexis-Nexis) can contain some hidden jewels.

Last week I discovered a small collection of legal comic books in a basement corner, wedged in between the title Law and Literature in Medieval Iceland and some legal poetry published in 1900. Following the adventures of a pair of lawyers who specialize in representing monsters, Supernatural Law is proving pretty addictive, and it turns out the cartoonist lives in Brooklyn. Apparently there are even plans (though long-delayed) for the comic to become a movie.

I also picked up a copy of Motherless Brooklyn, which I look forward to reading as soon as I finish the Scott Turow book which (embarrassingly) I started over break and have yet to finish. Sure - it's not like I don't have plenty to read already (hellooooo ConLaw) - but no matter how excited I am about my international moot court problem, the Geneva Convention lacks the immediate appeal of The Trail of the Trial of the Mummy.

Uuuuuuunh-Wuuuh!

2005-02-06T23:47:00.000-05:00

I don't normally take advantage of my school's extracurricular offerings, so when I signed up for a four-week seminar called "acting skills for lawyers," I shouldn't have been surprised when my extra-curricular activity took advantage of me.

It makes sense that attorneys should learn a bit of method acting. I always thought TV lawyers were a lot more convincing than the genuine article. Maybe if I went to the next three sessions (I won't) I would learn some of those skills. We spent the first hour-and-a-half of the three-hour session practicing relaxation techniques, which means we just went limp in our chairs. Seeing as I've been training myself not to fall asleep in those same chairs for the past five months, the exercise might have been counter-productive. If we were having any trouble relaxing, the solution was to emit a sort of shout-grunt from deep within our chests. We were told by our instructor, a diminutive, congenial hippy from woodstock, that these noises would help us relax. I'm not so sure. Since hearing her primal bark, I haven't been able to sleep, let alone relax.

Next week is improv, which I think would probably be a lot of fun. In the meantime, our instructor told us to practice our noises in the shower: I haven't, and there's nothing on this earth that could make me. I'll be damned if I'm going to go to class unprepared, so I'm going to have to hear about it second hand, I'm afraid.

but is it discrimination?

2005-02-03T20:26:00.000-05:00

we’re in the preliminary stages of our first brief, which is actually kind of exciting since it's one of our few opportunities to produce something. i’m arguing on behalf of a student who opposes her high school’s usage of a mascot and logo that portrays a stereotypical native american. the school alleges that the image was meant to honor athletes from the 1920’s, but last i heard, jim thorpe didn't compete in redface wearing a headdress. to make matters worse, the school's sports team uses the nickname “Red Skins,” which is defined as "a disparaging term for native americans." our plaintiff is so cool & sassy that she argued with a teacher about why thanksgiving is not a holiday she nor any other native american should celebrate, and stated that the team should change its name to “Red Necks." i could just see a school adopting cletis, the slack-jawed yokel as its mascot. i’m sure no one would ever attempt to justify that image as an honor to white athletes from back in the day. . .

3 ideas for increasing intermeddler readership

2005-01-30T19:50:00.000-05:00

#1: we could have a baby and post about it

#2: we could give away Supreme Court justice bobbleheads to our readers

#3: we could change our name to Haunted Pussy

Snood v Sniadach

2005-01-26T01:10:00.000-05:00

Law School is an arms race. Normal competitive pressures, a strict curve, and tuition in excess of $30,000 combine to create a situation where spending an extra $200/semester on supplements* starts to seem like a reasonable idea. It makes sense: $200 on study aids adds less than 1% on top of what is already an impossibly large bill and seems like a good investment even if it only were to raise your rank a few steps. You almost feel like you have to so long as everyone else is doing it... Luckily, I have a much more cost-effective strategy: forget your laptop.

I forgot to bring mine the the other day to Property, and I learned that you can learn an awful lot about property when you're not distraced by the pleasures of Snood, the internet and all that relaxing pornography, or (lord only knows how people can play this game so much) spider solitaire. I've never been so engaged in a class in my life. I've thought about just leaving my ethernet cord home from now on, and using the laptop solely for notes, but it won't work. I have a wireless connection, and not enough willpower to keep myself from using it.

I'm not going to make this a regular habit, by any means. CivPro just couldn't be done without an internet connection, and I need Lexis for ConLaw. I'm just saying that if you really want to learn the law or whatever is is we've been doing for the past six months: save your laptop for the final exam.

*Note: don't actually buy supplements, the library is stacked with everything you need (except for torts, because Lady Duff and I checked them all out).

substantive learning

2005-01-25T18:13:00.000-05:00

apparently we’re not supposed to learn anything our first year in law school. for example:

at least once a day a professor asks the class about a concept in contracts and is met with embarrassed silence.
today my legal writing professor was talking about Rule 12 and we all kind of shrugged.
last week our civil procedure professor gave a lecture on the erie doctrine and at the end of class told us we didn’t have to know it. his advice? if we come across it at work, find a 1st tier graduate to help us out.

call me Escudero

2005-01-22T15:27:00.000-05:00

I got distracted trying to start my Legal Writing assignment (while being sure to give my fake client his proper title in the heading of my fakely empathetic fake letter) by the use of the title Esquire. What does it mean, anyway, and why is it a reward for completing the epic crusade of the Bar Exam?

Like most everything legal, the title comes from England, back in the day. One of my favorite definitions noted that the Spanish translation of the word is Escudero, loosely meaning "shield- bearer", and that Sancho Panza was Don Quixote's Esquire. I barely remember the Don Quixote story from the 5 minutes or so I spent in high school, but it is funny that Sancho, the practical realist in the story, held a title that has today come to signify "attorney".

Maybe the ridiculous system of law school grading curves and rankings actually serves to prepare us for the Esq. title. After enough of this, we'll be totally comfortable signing our letters with something that means just above "gentleman" and somewhere below "knight".

first interview down

2005-01-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

after one semester, it’s already time to start interviewing for summer positions, even though we haven’t gained many skills in our short time in school: we’ve produced a few memos and a few tests that test how well we test. nevertheless, today i went on my first interview. it’s a position i’m genuinely interested in, which is a good way to start the interview season. it used to be very difficult to put on a good show when all i was looking for was a paycheck. in one interview i admitted as much and was hired anyway because the guy hated his job and wanted someone to bitch with. we both quit within 2 months.

today the interviewer eased us in with some chit chat about my neighborhood. he grew up a block away from where i currently live (score one for me!). then came the big question, “why are you interested in criminal law?” i had prepared some answers for specific questions like, “why do you want to work in our office?” but for some reason had skipped over the obvious. why is anyone interested in criminal law? because it’s more interesting when people act badly then when they act nicely. because the criminal justice system is screwed up when it comes to prosecuting non-violent drug offenders. because i want to nail white collar criminals’ asses to the prison walls. it was a tough question to answer without sounding contrived. i can’t imagine how i’ll answer a similar question at a large firm if i do end up selling out. maybe i’ll just admit that i need to pay off my debt and see if i get another empathy hiring.

Brother Breyer

2005-01-15T15:59:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of sisters, and I want what's best for them. If I had to marry one of them off (and people still were into loveless marriages of convenience), there would be no question, I'd want Justice Breyer for my new brother-in-law.

I watched part of the Breyer-Scalia debate the other day on C-SPAN, which is pretty tame compared to the erotic, erie-doctrine baths that some of my co-bloggers are all about, and decided he was the man. It might just be that anyone looks like a good match when they're put on a stage next to Scalia, it might be this story suggesting what a great guy he is, or maybe it's just exchanges like this:

"Souter persists. "Unless we allow whistle-blowers to bring a private right of action, this whole statute is a dead letter." Thomas replies that in Birmingham "we are very conscientious about the administration of our programs." " 'Trust me' is not an answer," snaps Ginsburg, "when you are telling a sixth-grader she can't play on a team."

In perhaps the single greatest moment of the 2005 term, Justice Stephen Breyer then interrupts Thomas to inquire: "Can I ask you a legal question?"

He goes on to offer a vintage Breyeresque three-part hypothetical, devoting at least five minutes to getting Thomas to concede that he must inevitably lose this case. To which Thomas finally responds with, "Justice Breyer, on the face of the statute, I just can't get there. I apologize."

Calm on the surface but laced with a thinly veiled contempt; exchanges like this have been the routine at my parent's holiday dinners for years. Breyer is practically family already.

living dangerously

2005-01-13T17:22:00.000-05:00

Today I read Civil Procedure in the bathtub. That's right - it was a daring feat, risking the loss or at least total saturation of all $68.40 cents worth of casebook (and that was used!), and causing my hand and wrist great fatigue (heavy book, trying to keep it out of water). But it was kind of fun, and made me feel like maybe I was doing something secretly bad, like drawing pictures of naked people in a library book. Even though the Erie case is about a railroad and not the lake, something also seemed right about reading it while submerged in water.

I tell this story because I think it illustrates the way being in law school can convert seemingly mundane activities into semi-exciting departures from a routine of reading, class, and reading, followed by a little reading before bed. Little things start to mean a lot.

a few examples:

coffee = magical elixir of protection against Torts professor's wrath directed at those who don't speak loudly enough when called on, jeopardizing everyone's Socratic learning experience*

*best dialogue from today, after one student near the front was called on:

Prof: "louder!"

student near the front: [repeats the comment]

Prof, to student in the back of the room: "could you hear him?"

student in the back of room: "yes"

Prof, to student in the back of the room: "so what did he say?"

student in the back of the room: "he said something about the jury, and then you started yelling"

a run = magical reminder of life outside the walls of your apartment/library, almost a guilty non-studying pleasure, even though you know exercise is way more likely to increase your life span than Chemerinsky is

the newspaper = special treat, like maybe for Sundays only (doing the crossword = Christmas and your birthday put together)

coming up with a mascot

2005-01-13T17:18:00.000-05:00

in trying to decide on a mascot for our site, the judge on playboy's sex court popped into my head. i remember one case vividly: a woman was suing her boyfriend for not paying attention to her during football games. she tried prancing around in front of the television in her very slutty cheerleader outfit, but he only chided her for blocking his view. the judge found the defendant guilty of being a very bad boy and sentenced him to have sex with the plaintiff right there in court. this is what we call therapeutic jurisprudence.

then i remembered once my dad came home and told me he had just seen the girl from night calls in the street. night calls is (or was, i don't know if it's still on) another playboy tv show with two or three women hosts, in various states of undress, who take calls, make out, give advice and talk their callers through their special activities. so imagine my surprise when:
1. my father knew who the hosts were
2. he assumed that i would know

none of this was helpful in coming up with a mascot but it reminded me of how fun it is to talk about porn.

Back in School

2005-01-10T22:13:00.000-05:00

School started today. Well, not exactly, but it tried its hardest. Our property class didn't meet until late afternoon and our professor hadn't assigned any pre-class reading (though we did have an in-class read along; our professors will do anything to get that "role-playing" box marked off come evaluation time). Tomorrow will be the real test of how well my holiday-break decompression went. We have torts with a professor who, if he taught gym in my high-school, would have been known as a "ball-buster," and ConLaw with a gentle Yalie who assigned so much reading for our two-credit class last semester that my eyes bleed when I think about what he'll do now that he's got us for three.

Everyone warned me about how awful property can be, including the professor. When your guide says "I'm glad we'll be taking this hike together, but just so you know, there's nothing to see, it's a long walk, and we're almost out of water" it's going to be a bad trip. At least, as Lucy, Lady Duff-Gordon says below, there's always the social element of school. Except it looks like they're trying to take our lovin' away. Now I don't have anything to look forward to, and the girl in the cafeteria even called me "sweety" today. I'm sure there will be some moment of light this week that reminds me why I'm doing all this.

Update

Scratch that "ball-buster" business. I just got back from class, and the dreaded torts professor is just a big ol' cuddle bear.

first impressions

2005-01-10T21:14:00.001-05:00

so, we're back in school. it looks like i'll be seeing less of the real world than i did last fall due to a combination of disappointing 1st semester grades, more reading per class and less familiar subject matter. after all, there’s at least a 1000:1 ratio of criminal law to property law movies, so we all know what a murder is, but who knows what a mortgage is? something the bank gives you? NO! it’s what you give the bank! it’s a whole portion of the brain untapped, especially since my most serious contact with real estate has been a quasi-lease involving cash rent, sporadic heat in the winter and the kind of wiring that won't allow you to plug in a space heater and lamp at the same time.

then there's the social element. having attended several colleges double-parked (run in for classes, run out the moment they end), the community element of law school has almost been more difficult to adjust to than the academics. think john hughes’ characters 5-10 years older, but still in a high school environment. i’m not saying i’m above it, i’m just saying all the social anxieties from ‘95 have resurfaced, with the added bonus of a grading curve. there are so many more important things going on in the world than who is doing it in the library and where the hell are the rest of our grades, but sometimes it's easy to forget in our little brooklyn bubble.

word of the day

2005-01-08T18:31:00.000-05:00

mulct

It means, according to Black's Law Dictionary, "to punish by a fine"

If I tried to use it in a sentence, I might say: "man, yesterday I got totally mulcted in that tort action," or "the *!!##@!^%*! city keeps mulcting me with parking tickets." I'm not kidding.

Class hasn't even started yet, but with words like tortfeasor and mulct, I can tell Torts is going to be a magical wonderland of new vocabulary.

how not to read

2005-01-06T18:36:00.000-05:00

4 more days until second semester begins and i just cracked open a casebook for the first time in 2 and a half weeks. i wish it reminded me of how much i love the law, but it only reminded me of the severely neglected non-legal reading list i compiled during finals. i started a couple of books, but never got more than 100 pages in before something else caught my attention, like The Internet. i suppose that’s what happens when you are programmed to read cases that rarely exceed 10 pages. when that many words are enough to tell the story, more seems plain inefficient.

but what about all of those “masterpieces” i need to read to be a bona fide smartypants? will i ever break through the elaborate explanation of whaling in the middle of moby dick? will the spine on my ulysses ever be broken? will i ever finish another novel, or will i instead use free time to try to fill in the gaps of my education with mainstream history books (that still don't read themselves)? maybe it’s like any relationship -- after putting it aside for 4 months, you can’t expect to slip comfortably back into it immediately. there has to be time to reacquaint, and in my case, 2.5 weeks is not enough.

resolutions

2005-01-06T18:02:00.000-05:00

Having spent most of the day waiting at home for a plumber who never arrived, I suppose I could have made a serious dent in reading to prepare me to thoughtfully contribute to the first classes that ominously cloud this coming week. But somehow I couldn't make it past the introduction in my crisp new Torts book, which seemed both vaguely the same as and vaguely different from everything I read for every class last semester.

I think part of the difficulty of starting this all back up again comes from never having quite assimilated what exactly went on last semester. It was such a mad rush at the end, and then such a relief to forget every carefully hoarded morsel of knowledge immediately after each final. Then of course we have the issue of not having most of our grades back yet, which I don't want to dwell on, but which does somehow contribute to a feeling of not quite being ready to take on another semester.

So while most of the new year's resolution-type thoughts that have occurred to me over the past week haven't been about school, today I was reminded of something I read for the first time around a year ago, when I was in the throes of trying to decide what the hell I wanted to do with myself for the next few years. Dahlia Lithwick is one of my favorite people ever to emerge from a law school, and her Letter to a Young Law Student seems like pretty good advice to me - advice that remains applicable for 2005.

Kumon people now...

2005-01-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

When I was a much smaller law student, maybe nine years old, my mother enrolled me in Kumon, sort of the Scientology of mathematical tutoring regimes. That I'm now in law school instead of NASA is pretty telling as to how well it worked for me. My problem wasn't so much the Kumon "method," though, as it was the terrible, terrible graphics they always used; graphics whose unflinching badness distracted me from my numbers. Clearly, nothing's changed at Kumon: witness the fetal-alcohol effected smiley-face they use as the letter "O" in their logo. It makes the limbless blobs in the Zoloft commercials look positively chipper by comparison. The moral: I couldn't learn math because Kumon made a bad graphic design decision.

Fast forward sixteen years: I'm still a student, still doing my damndest to learn, and still my school insists on distracting me from my studies with this rough-looking logo. If you think it's not so bad, take a second look. It's as if a class of third graders decided to think of everything that reminded them of the law --an owl, a lady with a sword, a dove, a scale, a stack of books, ummm, bushes, ribbons and maybe a planet, yeah, a planet!-- and then scribbled them all together in a messy circle and called it a day.

It wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have an enormous version of it hanging in the moot court room. It's gold colored, maybe eight feet tall, and it looks like it's made of recycled milk cartons. I know I'm going to be arguing my brief in that room this spring, and that ugly thing will be glinting at me the whole time. I'll have flashbacks of some Kumon franchisee rapping my knuckles with a ruler because I couldn't match the tiled numbers fast enough, and I'll fail the class. What I wouldn't do for a nice simple torch.

Darth Econolaw

2005-01-04T01:45:00.000-05:00

I haven’t met one yet, but I’ve sensed its presence: somewhere in my first year, I know I must meet Professor Econolaw. I hope I don’t punch him in the teeth. Mixing law and economics too closely isn’t particularly unusual, but it can be awfully distasteful. I haven’t quite yet figured out why. Nothing in the past century (besides perennial favorites penicillin and the toothbrush) has done more to improve living standards around the world as much as well applied economic policy. I believe it too, but then I wonder if I’m on the right side when I read something as simplistic as this:

Unlike an air- or waterborne disease, HIV-AIDS is easily avoidable by an inexpensive change of behavior, namely using condoms in sex, or by a more costly but still feasible change, namely by avoiding promiscuous sex.

Which is, of course, absolutely true, if it weren’t also true that much of the infected population can honestly claim to live in the kind of place

[w]idely acknowledged as [the] world's ‘rape capital,’ a rape happens every 26 seconds in South Africa. It is alleged that a woman born in this country has a greater chance of being raped than learning how to read. One in four girls faces the prospect of being raped before the age of 16, according to child support group, Childline. -PeaceWomen

Somehow providing cheap condoms doesn’t seem like it’s going to cut it for the masses of teenage rape victims. No doubt Posner is right in the aggregate; he’s thrown out coffee smarter than I am. There’s certainly evidence that the more treatable a disease is, the less cost expended by individuals in avoiding that disease. But I can’t shake the suspicion that something besides economic pragmatism underlies this kind of reasoning. Who tells the rape victim that providing her with subsidized treatment would “make matters worse by reducing the incentive to avoid contracting the disease in the first place?”

Maybe that’s it: economics is essentially rational, and I’ve always liked to think that law--and the policies it supports--are moral at their heart.

cover-lettering

2005-01-04T01:02:00.000-05:00

cover letters are only a few compact paragraphs, yet they take an exorbitant amount of time to compose because of the awkward task of self-promotion and inevitable second-guessing:

am i being too cocky?
too humble?
do i sound empathetic enough for defense work without coming off as coddling?
how does one express interest in prosecutorial work without sounding draconian?
are they sick of seeing the same template from every applicant?
how do they distinguish between at least ten schools' worth of first-years with limited legal experience?

all of this worrying when a study by the Society for Human Resource Management found that 83% of HR respondents spend merely a minute or less reading each cover letter.

reversible errors...

2005-01-03T16:52:00.000-05:00

...is a Scott Turow book I started reading over break - I realize now that the title may have had subconscious, hopeful appeal to me in my post-finals/pre-grades state, fresh out of semester #1 of law school.

I also thought I was making an efficient choice of pleasure reading - not only would I enjoy a novel while relaxing on vacation, but I could further explore a possible interest in criminal work that developed unexpectedly during semester #1. My father, who hates John Grisham, recommended Turow's books as a more realistic depiction of the legal world.

on page 2 I hit the main character's description of his associate:
"he remained intensely conscious of the young woman nearby, of the tawny hair falling softly on her shoulders, and of the hand that crept to her thigh every several miles to retract the hiking of her tartan skirt"

I'm still only on page 90, but I'm sure any time now we'll get to the part where the intrepid pro bono attorney team uncovers critical evidence and frees their innocent client from death row just in time to prevent his execution. First though, the prosecuting attorney has to have an affair with the detective assigned to the murder case. I'm learning a lot about the law...